Encyclopedia Marysuenica
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Mmm Ireland Yummmy.

Jess is a Suethor on the verse.

Although she has quite a lot in common with her self-insert Jess Cartwright, she herself has more in common with her sueniverse brother Severus Snape and apparently a demon by the name of Crowley from the book Good Omens and is slowly turning in to Benjamin Hawkeye Peirce from MASH.

She also enjoys pie, her manfriend and procrastinating.








Characters[]

Active Characters:

  • Aideen O'Dell (OC)
  • Alfred Pennyworth (Batman)
  • Amras Seregon (OC)
  • Basch Fon Rosenburg(FFXII)
  • Caleb Oswald (OC)
  • Charles Francis Xavier Professor X (X-Men)
  • Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo, kinda)
  • Dan Dreiburg/Nite Owl (Watchmen)
  • Edward IV of England (History)
  • Ed Wood (Ed Wood)
  • Gabby Aldridge (OC)
  • Isa Handle (OC)
  • Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)
  • James Norrington (Pirates of the Carribean I-III)
  • Jess Cartwright (Self-Insert)
  • Jesse James (History/The Assassination of Jesse James)
  • John Bristow (OC)
  • Kisaragi Itsuki (OC)
  • Lex Luthor (Superman)
  • Luigi Largo (RepoMan)
  • Louis de Pointe du Lac (Interview With The Vampire)
  • Matthew Harris Jr. (OC)
  • Mr. Furley (Three's Company)
  • Natalie Proktor (OC/Pokemon)
  • Nini (Moulin Rouge)
  • Professor Severus Snape (Harry Potter I-VII)
  • Queen Lilith (OC/Mythology)
  • Repo Man (Repo Man: The Genetic Opera)
  • Rogue (The X-Men)
  • Snow White (Brothers Grimm's "Kinder - und Hausmärchen"/Disney)
  • Spike Spiegal (Cowboy Bebop)
  • Sunflower Brooks (OC)
  • Vincent Dawson (OC)
  • Wolf (The Tenth Kingdom)
  • Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Amadeus/History)
  • Xigbar (Kingdom Hearts)


Shared

  • Kirk Lazerus (Tropic Thunder)
  • Les Grossman (Tropic Thunder)

Deceased:

  • Julius Caesar
  • Lorelei Castillo
  • The Enforcer
  • Anna Regan
  • The Emcee (Cabaret)

Retired:

  • Hades (Disneys Hercules)
  • The Henchclones (OC)
  • Dopple Lilly (OC)
  • Black (OC)
  • Andrea Otterson (OC)
  • Daniel Otterson (OC)
  • Tem (OC)
  • Ringmater (OC)
  • Captain Murphy (Sealab 2021)
  • Amala Ramses-Telemnar (OC/Verse Baby)
  • Ramses II (History)
  • Johannes (OC)
  • Benno Von Wolfensburg (OC/Cabaret Influences)
  • Pheonix (Phantom of the Paradise)
  • Rainfall (OC)
  • Han Solo (Star Wars IV-VI)


Recycled:

  • The Hecklers
  • Macheath
  • Miracle Max
  • Angelique/Reese
  • Santa Claus

Up for Adoption

  • Spock (Star Trek)
  • Jon Stewart (Real Life)
  • David (The Lost Boys)
  • Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce Hawkeye (M*A*S*H)

FAQ's and SNAQS[]

  • Snide Comments
  • Words she doesn't know the meaning of
  • Lamp Loving
  • Water Bottles
  • A Little Information on everything
  • Turning in to She-Hulk and or She-Ra from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
  • Information you'd rather not know
  • Shotguns... that appear from nowhere
  • That buzzing noise a TV makes when there's nothing on it
  • Paper clips
  • An almost eery love for Alan Rickman, Bill Nighy and Michael Caine.
  • She actually knows Megan in for RL like yea.
  • Apparently people ship her and Megan in RL
  • That's weird.
  • Has a strange collection of knickknacks
  • Owns Rats and Fish
  • Loves Pork Rinds

How to take down a Jess[]

Yea, something like that.

First you want to asses the situation, is she happy? Is she sad? Is she wearing pants? Where is the closest Starbucks?

Once you've assessed the situation, proceed with caution, Jess's are usually cranky in the mornings, so it's better to approach one around 3 in the afternoon, right after she's woken up.

If you are able to make first contact with a Jess and not loose an appendage or internal organ, you're doing good. Begin talking to her about something that wouldn't interest anyone but her, like movies no ones heard of, or how the music industry died with Pop Bands. Maybe offer to buy her coffee or a scone or give her your first born child; that usually works.

Once you've got in to a conversation with the Jess and she isn't looking uncomfortable, you're in.

Now to take her down, you're going to have to confuse her first, start speaking some foreign language, but no French, Spanish or German, she knows enough to see through your ruse. Try Chinese, or Canadian.

Now that you've begun don't stop, start dancing, preferably polka or line dancing, she could never figure out what those were used for anyway. Then take the sword of destiny and doing a flying downward thrust on top of her head, this will confuse her more causing her to spin.

Now here comes the tricky part, you're going to have to rub some corn on Christopher Walken and lure her in to a cage.

If you are able to do this, congrats, you've just bagged yourself a Jess.

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